This has been the hardest week of my life. My mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 Lung Cancer which has mestastasized to her brain in 4 tumors. She also has an enlarged heart from heart disease. She went into the emergency room for a bad migraine and came out with stage 4 lung cancer. My mother is the strongest person I know. She has been cheated on, left for her best friend, put down, buried her child, buried her father, battled heart disease her whole life, and raised 4 children basically on her own. We saw our dad every other weekend. My mom has battled every fight she's ever been through with faith and courage and has come out the victor. She has always relied on God to get her through the dark places in life, and so that is what I know I need to do now. The only problem is, is that this is the most terrifying time in my life and my mother lives 18 hours away from me. I find that writing is the one thing that has always gotten me through the really dark and tough times. That and faith.
On top of dealing with all of this, I am 8 weeks pregnant. I am also the mother to an amazing 3 year old, a wife, a teacher, and a daughter. Overwhelmed is an understatement.
Right now where my mother is concerned, I am somewhere between completely devastated and holding onto hope. Most days I end up on both ends of the spectrum. I wonder how am I supposed to be a good mother and teacher right now. I am terrified of what I am going to miss, how my depression will affect my child. I know that prayer is the answer. Sometimes though it just gets really dark.
I'm trying very hard on the mother end, but sometimes it takes all my energy just to keep from falling apart. He's the sweetest little boy I know. He comforts me. He tells me everything is going to be okay. He shouldn't have to be doing that. I know. I don't know how people do this- keeping it all together while 8 weeks pregnant and living 18 hours from their mother all while being a mother of a pre-pre-schooler and work full time. I go back to work tomorrow.
On a positive note- I did these surveys last pregnancy, and it is fun to look back and read them now. So I thought I would do them now.
How far along? 8 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: I think I lost a few pounds this week. I'm not sure. I don't have a scale. I've been forcing myself to eat though.
Sleep: I wake up most nights a few times. I guess due to life right now though.
On top of dealing with all of this, I am 8 weeks pregnant. I am also the mother to an amazing 3 year old, a wife, a teacher, and a daughter. Overwhelmed is an understatement.
Right now where my mother is concerned, I am somewhere between completely devastated and holding onto hope. Most days I end up on both ends of the spectrum. I wonder how am I supposed to be a good mother and teacher right now. I am terrified of what I am going to miss, how my depression will affect my child. I know that prayer is the answer. Sometimes though it just gets really dark.
I'm trying very hard on the mother end, but sometimes it takes all my energy just to keep from falling apart. He's the sweetest little boy I know. He comforts me. He tells me everything is going to be okay. He shouldn't have to be doing that. I know. I don't know how people do this- keeping it all together while 8 weeks pregnant and living 18 hours from their mother all while being a mother of a pre-pre-schooler and work full time. I go back to work tomorrow.
On a positive note- I did these surveys last pregnancy, and it is fun to look back and read them now. So I thought I would do them now.
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| Mama, Me, and my nephews George and Ethan |
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| Putting Ethan to sleep |
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| Remi Paul |
How far along? 8 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: I think I lost a few pounds this week. I'm not sure. I don't have a scale. I've been forcing myself to eat though.
Sleep: I wake up most nights a few times. I guess due to life right now though.
Interesting Dreams: None that I can remember
Best moment this week: Hugging my baby when I got off the airplane.
Movement: n/a
Symptoms: A little queasiness. Food aversions- nothing too sweet. Breast tenderness.
Best moment this week: Hugging my baby when I got off the airplane.
Movement: n/a
Symptoms: A little queasiness. Food aversions- nothing too sweet. Breast tenderness.
Food cravings: I just crave things that are warm and salty. I was craving pickles.
Food aversions: honestly most food isn't appealing right now, but I'm making myself eat. Chicken sounds repulsive. anything super sweet.
Gender: I've thought a boy all along, but I've thought girl a couple times this week.
Labor Signs: n/a
Belly Button in/ out: in
What I miss: Last week. When life was normal, and my mom was okay.
What I am looking forward to: Finding out the gender. Seeing my mom again in 4 weeks.
Weekly Wisdom: Pray.
What I am looking forward to: Finding out the gender. Seeing my mom again in 4 weeks.
Weekly Wisdom: Pray.
Milestones: Not sure.
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